Tour Guide-isms

On our bus tour through Berlin, we were blessed with a wonderful tour guide with a ridiculous accent and too much inflection. Although his tour was very informative, it was also rather humorous. We were laughing the entire time while we wrote down some of the best phrases.

"I must tell the truth. Yes, I cannot tell a lie."

"A teacher must not admit that he has made a mistake."

"Ah yes I have an idea! I know how to do it!"

"I just helped your bus driver out. He can do it on his own now."

- the very beginning of the tour as our bus attempted to exit the parking lot without crushing any cars

"We Germans are usually pretty strict about rules, but every now and then we make our own rules. As long as we do not harm people."

"There's the queen on the left, and the king on the right. Yes, she has a very nice... haircut."

"And if you look to the right you can see all of the rich and beautiful people."

"So I think you understand my story. Let me subsume it."

"Very wealthy."

- as we drove through a wealthy neighborhood called Charlottenburg

"The Germans should not forget that the second world war was planned here, started here.

"And the official name is the memorial for the Jews... killed... murdered Jews... in the European nation."

"And as you know, Hitler had two projects. He wanted to murder all of the Jewish population in Europe... on the right are two projects..."

- he reminds us of Germany's history as we pass through construction (the word project may have been lost in translation)

"Okay, here's the other bus to the left. You know we do the same tour."

"Okay, my dear friends, now I have a cool neighborhood for YOU. All of the heepsters are there."

"And on the left, you can see the advertisement for 'Watch.'"

"THICK walls."

"And to the left I see a black building. I think it's a hotel.

"You should see the biggest one. It's overwhelming."

"And then comes a beeeautiful building, green!"

- we become acclimated with the buildings of Berlin

"There are four pringle parties here in our government."

"This embassy belongs to the five northern EU countries... plus Finland! and Iceland!"

"And to the left you will see some flags."

"And there are even German embassies... imagine!!"

"And the four rich districts have to give money to the fffff... Twelve poor countries. Come on.  Imagine the relationship."

"We are neighboring countries. We know each other. Like a family."

- as we drove through the part of the city where important government things happen

"He emigrated to Hollywood..."

"Plllleeeaaaase. At first I thought: what a high level, this group. Like if I would go to New York and the first time I was grinning was 'oh an Audi or a Traders Joe.'

Well, actually I did. I was walking through Brooklyn and I said 'oh, a Trader's Joe!' Okay, I forgive you."

- the North Americans on the bus (so... all of us...) spotted a Domino's pizza and really showed excitement